Change your life this year!
How many of us set goals to improve our character for the New Year? How many will have as a goal to be more supportive and less critical, to be calmer and less angry, to be more forgiving and less resentful or to be more optimistic and less pessimistic?
Most people who make resolutions for the new year focus on losing weight, getting fit, making more money, spending more time with family and friends, quit drinking or smoking. Very few set goals to improve the qualities that form them as a person.
Working towards a vision of what you aspire to be is critical for improving your mental health, for overcoming anxiety, depression and ultimately achieving a greater sense of happiness. Here’s why. Our character, that is, the features, traits as well as the moral and mental qualities of our nature is the undercurrent that determines how we will approach everything we do in our life. This includes how we relate to our spouse and friends, how conscientiously we do our work, how we take care of our health etc. Therefore, this is the place we need to put most of our energy. Focusing on our inner life rather than on our external life. We tend to invest far more effort on our outer life, such as getting fit, getting promoted or looking good.
Building our character is our responsibility, but few understand that it requires effort. Becoming less fearful, calm, positive, courageous, compassionate are all innate abilities we must develop. Instead, it seems we have handed over this responsibility to Psychiatrists, Psychologists, prozac, ativan, alcohol or marijuana.
I believe this stems from our lack of confidence in our own inner ability and power to improve ourselves and our mental well-being. It seems to me that people often experience a sense of powerlessness and helplessness in changing their way of thinking. “It’s just the way I am, it’s just how I’m wired, I’ve been like this my whole life” is what I hear from clients in my practice.
The reason for this is that we have very few role models that have guided us on how to take charge of our minds. There is very little education on character building as a path to mental well-being. Mostly we’re taught how to make it to the top, how to make money, be successful, be attractive, be intelligent or have great sex.
Every year both in January and in July at my birthday I make a list of my new resolutions. Every 6 months I review my list and either scratch some items off or I re-write them again on the next list. Often I need to write items for a few years in a row!
This year why not set goals to improve your own mental well-being by focusing on the qualities that make up your character.
To do this, first, focus on what you want to become rather than what you don’t want to be. Write down some of the character traits that you want to develop, for example, be calm, be disciplined, be positive, be kind.
Secondly, think of a time when you embodied this particular trait, for example a time when you were calm or disciplined or positive. If you can’t think of a time in you own life, then think of someone else you know in your life or from a movie or television or a book that represents this trait to which you aspire.
When you keep focusing on this image of how you aspire to be you actually begin to create new pathways in your brain.
Therapy itself acts as a resource to help you create new visions for yourself and support you in moving in positive directions.
The challenge for most is to recognize that changing the way we think and do things requires effort and practice. If you don’t direct the course of your mind, then habits from the past will. To direct your life you must hold the vision of who and what you want to be. That vision is critical.
Look at your goals daily. Evaluate how you did at the end of the day. At the same time be realistic. Take one quality your want to develop and work it into your being for the next six months. Then re-evaluate.
Make your interior life, in other words, what’s going on inside your mind and heart your focus for the New Year.
Written by:
Claire Maisonneuve, MA.
Registered Clinical Counsellor
Director of the Alpine Anxiety & Stress Relief Clinic
Note: In all case histories and examples other than those pertaining to myself and my family I have changed names and any identifying characteristics in an attempt to protect and preserve privacy and anonymity. The stories usually represent composites of people struggling with the issues discussed.
Category: Holding Tank
